Tutor profile: Jeremy S.
What about this sentence needs editing?
Sample sentence: Driving in my hometown of Atlanta Georgia, my dog kept barking at the passing pedestrians. Correction: Driving through my hometown of Atlanta, Georgia, I was becoming annoyed at my dog who kept barking at the passing pedestrians. Here, the first clause is dangling and we do not know what it is modifying. For example, was the dog driving? Instead, it is best to insert additional information to ensure that the modification is clear and concise. Besides that, we need to add an additional comma between cities and states, according to standard Chicago/MLA format.
Subject: College Admissions
What makes you an ideal candidate for this institution?
Based on my experiences abroad as well as domestically, from volunteering at my local hospital to teaching English in Germany, I have the cultural competency to connect, interact, and thrive in a global community like the one at [insert school name]. My journey as a first-generation, LGBT+ student has not only allowed me an opportunity to foster empathy for those unlike me, but have catalyzed a desire to create scholarship that demonstrates the intersectionality of an international community and world.
Subject: World History
What kinds of external pressures aided in the development of the Islamic Revolution in Iran?
While religiosity has a complicated and long history in Iran, the Islamic Revolution was a result of aggressive Western interference from the 1950s to 1970s and the desire of some Iranians to have complete political, economic, and social sovereignty from outside influences (namely, the United States and Great Britain). The Islamic Revolution was also catalyzed by the "Pan-Arab" movement that we see happening after the establishment of the Israeli state in 1948.
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